Professor Quotations: Spring 2010 Edition

Z.Stauffer: "I think that's the way Tantric stuff works, too.  But, you know, pleasure instead of pain."

Z.Stauffer: "[I used to exclaim] 'I need a kazoo!  I need a kazoo!'  It was a while before a student told me a kazoo wasn't what I thought it was."

Z.Stauffer: "Is it alright if I say pimp?  Do any of your other professors say pimp? . . . This better not make it into the Law Weekly.  That's the real reason we ban laptops, you know."

Z.Stauffer: "Maybe I'll try a little caffeine . . . since I can't do anything harder in front of you.  Although, I was just at the hospital, I could have swiped something."

G.Yin: "There's always the Angel of Death.  You never know when the Angel of Death will come and save you from having to report income from the sale of your asset."

Professor Quotations: Fall 2009 Edition

C.Sprigman: "There's a socially optimal level of production of muffins vis-a-vis poems. For me, the ratio is 2:1."

C.Sprigman: "No one's going to be whistling to Christina Aguilera when the copyright term expires, which is a shame."

Professor Quotations: Spring 2009 Edition

K.Abraham: "When I was in the Army, we received a lecture on nerve gas: 'Nerve gas, gentlemen. It’s odorless; it’s colorless. Watch out for it.' And that’s what I have to tell you about ERISA."

K.Abraham: "What is a loophole to someone else is an insurance lawyer's triumphal arch."

Omnibus Mitchell Post

Mitchell: “Love is just a social construct to cover up some rather unseemly biological processes.”

---

Mitchell: “You call ME to the stand, an unimpeachable witness!”
Class: *Hearty Laughter*
Mitchell: “That was not supposed to prompt hearty laughter.”

---

Mitchell: "[When choosing a car] You can either choose the Yugo, with its tin foil sides or the Lexus, which, if someone looks at you the wrong way, encompasses you in sweet, loving foam...did I just say loving foam? I think I meant life-saving foam. Loving foam...I’d pay a lot for that."

This is to supplement my previous omnibus post of other professors' amusing comments, with the same disclaimer and apology if some of the material has previously found its way into the Law Weekly.

Voice Identification: FRE 901(b)(5)

A week or two into the semester:

Prof. Mitchell: “Mr. Graves, have you heard my voice before?”
Graves: “No.”
*Pause*
Graves: “I tune out during class.”

The Hornbook Cartel

Sometimes I wonder if certain professors don't have contracts with hornbook publishers such that the professor promises to to absolutely incomprehensible in return for a slice of the profits from study guide sales. Not to name names, but having seen every member of my Property class toting an average of two different hornbooks (plus the casebook), I start to wonder how I can get in on that racket.

Derek Leach from IT came to Contracts to explain the new online multiple-choice component of our exam but was unable to get the computer and projector to work.
Kraus to Derek: "How does it feel standing in front of the class with your pants down?"

Nerdy Lawyer/Economist Joke

Kraus: "Thank God for repudiation. It's a public good for lawyers."

Thoughts from my Notes

I'll update this as I make my way through typing up my notes (some of the faculty quotations made it into the Law Weekly, so apologies for any repeats):

• Whenever a professor says "Good question" she usually means the opposite.
• --
  
• Student: "There’s a difference between wine and pot."
  Mitchell: "Of course there is! One is legal and one should be legal!"
• --
• Goluboff: "It has been argued that polygamy is actually good for women...I could use another wife [around the house]."
• --
• Kitch: "So what kinds of animals did they leave off?"
• Student: "Amphibians."
• Kitch: "Oh yes. Dolphins!"
• --
• Student 1: [says something stupid in class]
• Student 2: "It's okay, it's Monday."
• The next day -
  
• Student 2: [says something stupid in class]
• Student 1: "It's okay, it's Tuesday."
• --
• Kraus: "What does the writing say?"
• Student: "It says what it says."
• Kraus: "That's keeping your truth-telling percentage up."
  
  

Abraham on Exams (or life in general)

"Don't describe the ladder. Tell me what you see from the top of the ladder."
K. Abraham.

How you do you really feel about Semtek?

"It's bad, it's bad, you know it's bad."
G. Rutherglen on the decision in Semtek Int'l v. Lockheed Martin.

LSTotD - Congeries

congeries
n. (used with a singular or plural verb)

a collection of items or parts in one mass; assemblage; aggregation; heap

Heard in Crim. In the same class Prof. Low also referred to certain sentencing guidelines, saying "This is pretty standard poop now."

I suppose I could stand to type up my notes more often

"Generally, any form of sexual interaction involves some sort of request...I hope I'm not telling you anything new here."
G. Rutherglen

Technical difficulties

“The computer is like this class. As the semester goes on, it doesn’t want to start at 8:30 either.”
G. Rutherglen