Bar Exam

I took an exam in Roanoke,
Heartily hoping not to choke.
      Having fried half my mind,
      All I want now's to find
A hot bathtub to sit in and have a soak.

Professor Quotations: Spring 2010 Edition

Z.Stauffer: "I think that's the way Tantric stuff works, too.  But, you know, pleasure instead of pain."

Z.Stauffer: "[I used to exclaim] 'I need a kazoo!  I need a kazoo!'  It was a while before a student told me a kazoo wasn't what I thought it was."

Z.Stauffer: "Is it alright if I say pimp?  Do any of your other professors say pimp? . . . This better not make it into the Law Weekly.  That's the real reason we ban laptops, you know."

Z.Stauffer: "Maybe I'll try a little caffeine . . . since I can't do anything harder in front of you.  Although, I was just at the hospital, I could have swiped something."

G.Yin: "There's always the Angel of Death.  You never know when the Angel of Death will come and save you from having to report income from the sale of your asset."

Professor Quotations: Fall 2009 Edition

C.Sprigman: "There's a socially optimal level of production of muffins vis-a-vis poems. For me, the ratio is 2:1."

C.Sprigman: "No one's going to be whistling to Christina Aguilera when the copyright term expires, which is a shame."

Small Joys During Exam Period

In the crowded coffeeshop, he was grateful for just finding a stool at the laptop bar.  His happiness was tempered only by the fact that this particular stool was missing a cross-piece on the front, so that his legs dangled uncomfortably a foot off the floor.  This was an emotionally unsettling experience for the former power forward.

Right Turn

It is disconcerting how many of our small, ordinary actions conceal enterprises of great pitch and moment. Or, rather, it is disconcerting that so many of our complex, important deliberations find their summation in an act indiscernible from one arrived at through the die’s cast.
In turning right this morning, I merely signaled my intention, changed lanes, and altered my heading by 90 degrees. While it looked like only a simple right turn—indeed, I make those same maneuvers every weekday—it really meant I don’t have time for coffee. A morning spent desiring a Café Americano to beat back Somnus’ rearguard, a morning attempting to get showered and dressed with enough time to go 10 minutes out of my way (so I could use a gift card), and at the moment of the crucial turn, realizing that I would be late for work if I did so. A simple act, yet personally profound: I suspect these pregnant moments must occur around us with regularity, and I wonder whether our shared lives wouldn’t be richer for the knowing.

Reasons I am Excited About 2010

In no particular order:

Graduating law school (and correspondingly, finally being done with almost two decades of education)
(Hopefully) Passing the bar exam
A new Golden Sun game(!)

Preliminary thoughts on Richard Kelly's The Box.

Semi-rabid Richard Kelly fan JB convinced me to go see The Box on Wednesday. My only prior exposure to Kelly's work was dropping by a freshman hallmate's room halfway through Donnie Darko, so I went in with few preconceptions. I'll admit that I was hooked from the beginning, as the stellar production values and earnest characters drew me in--though I kept expecting James Marsden either to belt forth a serenade to True Love's Kiss or blast Cameron Diaz with his laser eyes: just payment for her atrocious "Southern" accent. Having spent a fair amount of time in the Tidewater Virginia area where the movie is set, I appreciated the nods to local landmarks and institutions (the Ukrops calendar in the kitchen, for example).

The plot was very quick-moving and well-paced. According to JB, it also managed to avoid the pitfalls of Kelly's prior films, namely overreaching or oversimplification. I only noticed one or two times where I thought, Yes, we get the point, this character is doing X, you don't need to have him tell us he's doing X.

On the whole I liked it, but to voice my few complaints, I did regret that one or two major plot points were rather standard sci-fi cliches. However, this could say more about the the sci-fi baggage I bring with me as a viewer, though, than about the movie itself. Interestingly, I identify this particular cliche with a lot of the SF from the 1970s, when the movie is set, so maybe it's deliberate.

I'd recommend seeing it, but you might not get as much enjoyment as I did if you don't bring someone who screams at every slightest jump scene.

[7.5/10], or an A- on the law school curve.

Professor Quotations: Spring 2009 Edition

K.Abraham: "When I was in the Army, we received a lecture on nerve gas: 'Nerve gas, gentlemen. It’s odorless; it’s colorless. Watch out for it.' And that’s what I have to tell you about ERISA."

K.Abraham: "What is a loophole to someone else is an insurance lawyer's triumphal arch."

"Neither a borrower . . ."

Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.

Polonius, Hamlet, I.3.75-77

I go back and forth on whether or not I agree with this Shakespearean wisdom. To my mind, there are two possible interpretations of the sentiment. The first is an observation that lending money or other items between friends can cause rancor and difficulties if the loan is not repaid or is otherwise delayed. This view I have no trouble with, as I have observed such deterioration before.

My problem is with a second, broader interpretation, that may be more accurately described as "beholden to no man." This is the idea that it is possible, even desirable to go through life without being in anyone's social debt, or incurring such social debt oneself (I use "social" to distinguish from monetary debt). I cannot help but feel that such a philosophy risks a very limited view of human experience. By illustration, I contrast this with John Donne's famous "No man is an island, entire unto itself." (Meditation XVII).

Of course, given that this is Polonius speaking, I might be taking it at face value when Shakespeare intended the opposite reception.  However, I've heard it proffered as serious advice, so that's the manner in which I am responding to it.

Cheaper than a DUI

I love the cabs in Charlottesville, specifically the ones with the slogans on the back.  While some are more or less clever, I've noticed a number of them (or the same one, repeatedly) with "Cheaper than a DUI."  While this is certainly true in a nominal sense, the economist wonders whether this is necessarily true.  Assuming a cab fare X and a DUI fine Y, we must discount the fine by the probability p of being caught and convicted.  Thus, the cab is only cheaper than a DUI if X < pY. Of course, this is not the whole story, as there are other costs associated with a DUI than are captured in the fine (reputation, jail time).  Also, penalties are usually greater for repeat offenders.  Okay, cabbie, you've convinced me.  Carry on.  Oh, and can we stop by Christian's first?

On Deadlines and Hemlines

Douglas Adams is known for saying, "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." I'm fond of deadlines for a different reason; namely, I work much more productively when the work is due in five minutes.

In thinking about this, though, I am curious as to the source of my newfound productivity. The initially somewhat satisfying explanation is the rising pressure makes the assignment rise in importance, allowing it to take priority over otherwise more interesting distractions. As a pleasure (or utility) maximizing individual, this makes sense. When a project doesn't become due for two months, the present value to me of having it completed is very small. This must due to a discount factor, some combination of uncertainty (I'll have plenty of opportunities to do the work between now and then) and the time value of leisure. When I fail a class or lose a job if the memo isn't on someone's desk in two hours, the utility gained from completing is more immediate, tangible, and certain, and therefore higher.

However, an alternative explanation presents itself, one that I propose with some shame. Rather than the actual quality of my work increasing as the deadline draws near, it is possible, perhaps even likely that it is only the perceived quality of my work that increases. That is, once it becomes clear that I will suffer great loss if I do not do the work, the standards for the work I turn in drop dramatically. Good Work gives way to Good Enough Work and I feel better for simply having turned something in.

I become more uncomfortable (personally, not empirically) with this explanation when I investigate parallels in relationships. Anecdotally, I've noticed that as people approach a "good" time to get married or engaged (the end of college, the end of law school, the end of fertility), they tend to find themselves in marriageable relationships. Is this is a function of heightened cognitive/emotional ability - a better sense of what one is looking for in a relationship - or a relaxing of standards as a deadline approaches? I'll leave that question for the reader.

Well, so I was right about my frequency in updates corresponding directly to amount-of-other-stuff-I-should-be-doing. I can't promise that will change over the summer, but I hope to at least bring back some interesting work stories from time to time. Such as the guy I met today who owns half the town. Nifty, eh? Also, check the box to your left for more frequent updates than will likely appear in the main content.

How I studied Landlord/Tenant relations

I should have posted this a while ago but I was too busy procrastinating studying that I forgot. Lo siento. Allow me now to present my Property review course: The Landlord.
Even the singing BarBri lady can't touch that.

Omnibus Mitchell Post

Mitchell: “Love is just a social construct to cover up some rather unseemly biological processes.”

---

Mitchell: “You call ME to the stand, an unimpeachable witness!”
Class: *Hearty Laughter*
Mitchell: “That was not supposed to prompt hearty laughter.”

---

Mitchell: "[When choosing a car] You can either choose the Yugo, with its tin foil sides or the Lexus, which, if someone looks at you the wrong way, encompasses you in sweet, loving foam...did I just say loving foam? I think I meant life-saving foam. Loving foam...I’d pay a lot for that."

This is to supplement my previous omnibus post of other professors' amusing comments, with the same disclaimer and apology if some of the material has previously found its way into the Law Weekly.

Voice Identification: FRE 901(b)(5)

A week or two into the semester:

Prof. Mitchell: “Mr. Graves, have you heard my voice before?”
Graves: “No.”
*Pause*
Graves: “I tune out during class.”

The Hornbook Cartel

Sometimes I wonder if certain professors don't have contracts with hornbook publishers such that the professor promises to to absolutely incomprehensible in return for a slice of the profits from study guide sales. Not to name names, but having seen every member of my Property class toting an average of two different hornbooks (plus the casebook), I start to wonder how I can get in on that racket.

An Open Letter - Barnes and Noble Man

Dear Barnes and Noble Man,

I hope you were not offended when Celia and I didn't exhibit zeal to continue conversation with you. We didn't want to be rude, but you did interrupt us in the middle of reviewing for our Con Law exam. Courtesy aside, the point you were wanting to make, we had already made more succinctly about 10 minutes prior to your interjection, and more completely several weeks ago in class. While ordinarily we might have been happy to engage you in a discussion on your skepticism of the political process, we were two law students trying to stay on the healthy side of the exam preparation/psychotic episode line. Trust me, it's better for all involved.

As a side comment, I could not help but notice the "Ask me about Barack" pin you were wearing. It coordinated well with the "O" pin you had affixed to your "Obama 2008" commemorative T-shirt. While your attention to the current national political climate are your apparent desire to engage in related discussion are both commendable, the point I wish to make about your button is that you seem to have either misunderstood what it says or intended to grab a different button. The button you thought you were wearing probably says "Ask me about Barack or I will force my way into your private conversation in order to engage you on a topic about which you are likely sick of hearing and that just may cause you to leap through the store's glass window-front and into mercifully oncoming traffic in order to get away." I might be paraphrasing.

Yours,

-Nathan

An old thought in a new place.

How do you warn a blind person of danger visible to the sighted? What about combination headset/RFID tag that broadcasts in a short radius the presence of someone for whom visual cues are ineffective? We then install RFID receivers and audio transmitters in key locations: when they detect (via RFID) the presence of a blind person, they transmit the appropriate warning over radio or some other appropriate frequency. The individual's headset picks up the signal and relays the cue aurally. Perhaps there could also be some triangulation and proximity possibilities as well. (Stereo headphones?)

This would seem to be a much better system than Braille warnings that count on a person happening to put their hands in a particular spot. Indeed, the normal operation of Braille in public places seems to be based on the presumption of sight to be able to locate the contextual "hotspot."

Derek Leach from IT came to Contracts to explain the new online multiple-choice component of our exam but was unable to get the computer and projector to work.
Kraus to Derek: "How does it feel standing in front of the class with your pants down?"

What exams?/I'M GOING TO DIE!

Schroedinger would love my brain right now. Exams have induced a state of simultaneous stress/unstress. Until measured by the taking of the first exam, no one - including myself - can know whether my brain is alive or dead.

2 weeks.